Wednesday, February 3, 2010

To Whom it May Concern - Stuff it

Please excuse me while I let off some steam...
To whom it may concern: (and you know who you are, because EVERYTHING seems to concern you)

I’d like to clarify a few things for you. You are not my boss. I do not report to you. Therefore, where I am is really not your business. So if I decide to use my lunch hour, which is really a lie, because it’s only 30 minutes, to take my kids to the doctor for a flu shot at 1:30 p.m., is that your business? No. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t hear your sorry ass on the 6:30 a.m. teleconference that lasted 2.5 hours. Nope. So don’t fricking worry about where I was, I don’t care that you were ‘looking all over for me’. I’m allowed to leave the building, and not tell you. Or anyone, if I don’t want to. So there. Besides, if you hadn’t been so flipping nosy last year about my kids and their doctor appointments, and if you hadn’t told me that I must ‘make up medical conditions so that I can take my kids to the doctor’, maybe I would have told you where I was going. Oh wait, that’s right, I forgot – I DON’T REPORT TO YOU.

On to the second order of business. If I want to have a meeting in my office, it’s my prerogative. I don’t care if there are 6 of us crammed in here. If I want to have a meeting so we can use my computer, I will do it. I don’t need your attitude, nor do I need you to throw things on the floor, especially my coat, to ‘make a point’. OH, and I recommend that if you DO plan on doing this, don’t go out and tell everyone that you did it, because there are only 40 people that work here. It WILL get back to me.

The third order of business today has to do with the paperwork I submitted today. Last time I checked, YOU do not need to worry about verifying my identity. YOU do not work for HR. Therefore, YOU do not get to tell me what does and does not work for identification. Did YOU get the theme here? I will submit what I have, and hopefully HR is ok with it. If not, I’ll submit something else. Oh, and don’t ask such stupid questions, like if I have someone at home that could drive other paperwork here to me at the office. Newsflash: My husband and I both work full time. Neither of us stays home with our children. I know that you think I am a bad mom, because I chose not to breastfeed my children, and because I had an epidural during childbirth, and oh, that’s right, because I ‘make up medical conditions to take my children to the doctor’, but you know, we can’t all be perfect moms. I’m not bitter though. You know why? Because I’m young, successful, and get to do lots of really cool things through my life.

So piss off witch.

PS, stop looking in my window every time you walk past.

Things kids say Thursday (Wednesday edition)

My kids have been cracking me up. I truly love the ages they are, and (most of) the things they say.

My oldest has a book about Miss Spider and her new school at Sunny Patch, and it talks about how she doesn’t have the stomach for digging in dung. He asked me what that means, I told him. Fast forward to last night.

He was sitting on the throne, taking care of some business. He yelled to his father, I know what dung means! It means pooping! Guess what, I’m dunging right now! I’m dunging!

I fell over laughing.

My 2 year old took a while to start talking, and especially to start talking clearly. He told me last week, “Nikko poop outside”. Nikko is our dog, so yes, of course that’s where he goes. Jake likes to pretend that he is a dog, or a cat, at different points throughout the day. He told me, I poop outside. I a dog. I corrected him that, no, in fact, he does not, he goes in the house, preferably in the potty since we’re trying to get him to potty train. He keeps informing me that no, he will go outside. Since our dog is very old, and will be going to ‘live with God’ tomorrow, he has been, um, using our carpet as his dumping ground of choice this week, so I am fearful that I will be blogging soon about a 2 year old who is pretending he is a dog and either (a) pooping on my carpet, or (b), outside in my backyard, squatting. Watch for those updates.

In the meantime, the 2 year old has been investigating his own body. Last night in the tub, he was grabbing all things that ‘hang’ and checking them out. He told his daddy that his ‘rocks were falling off’. Uh huh. His father was laughing hysterically about that one.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


On this frigid Thursday in the Frozen Flatland (I just heard someone say it's -10 with the windchill - ick!), some random musings...
...My 2 year old is such a drama king. The boy can go from smiling, giggling to "I sad", with his head down, in 3 seconds flat. When he gets to "I sad / mad / cross", he usually tries to march upstairs to his crib, climb in, and snuggle with his blanket and nuk. Has anyone gone through this? I just don't know what to do. In his state of drama the other night, I told him he had to eat his dinner, and he looked at me and said I no like you. Great. Thanks buddy. Guess what, it won't be the last time you feel that way, I'm sure.
....Not to be outdone, my almost-4 year old is going through this really emotional period, where he cries each time we drop him off at school or day care, both of which he LOVES. No idea what is going on. So we're going through the 'no crying incentive program'. If he has a good drop-off at either place he gets a sticker. When he gets 5 stickers at home, he gets to go to Walmart and pick out any new toothbrush he wants (this is because he used his the other night to brush each carpet-covered, doghair-disgusting step on the way up to brush his teeth, so his old one hit the trash and he doesn't like the new one). When he gets 5 stickers at daycare, he gets to go to his favorite icecream place. The program seems to be working!
....Did I ever tell you how much I love my Dirt Devil Broom Vac? With 3 little kids, and a dog who is afraid to walk on anything other than carpet, my floors are disgusting after every meal. Sigh. I love that broom, and the magic it works keeping those floors clean.
...My birthday is next week. I'm not really feeling any angst at being 31; I'm actually quite the opposite, and cannot wait to have another birthday! I love birthdays.
...The baby is finally sitting up on her own, and I couldn't be happier! I think this is a short-lived moment of pure calm bliss. This child can run, like nobody's business, in the walker, and she tries to get into EVERYTHING in the walker and when you are holding her. I suspect that once she starts crawling, well, chaos will truly ensue. The boys already get upset when she is trying to get into their stuff when they play in the kitchen on the floor. She pushes their toys around with her walker, partly to get a reaction I think. And since she can walk on the carpet, there is no safe place on the first floor. On more than one occasion I've had to tell them that if they don't want her in their toys they need to go play up in the playroom. Yes, I fear that peace and quiet is short-lived once this girl becomes mobile!
...I have an Etsy addiction. I ordered 4 year old birthday invites yesterday, and an I'm 4 t-shirt for his party and pictures, and then of course had to order (more) bows and barrettes, and an easter dress for the babe. Oh Etsy, I adore you.
...I am in need of a blog make-over. Any suggestions on someone / a site that is good to use? Inexpensive, please, but something that looks awesome.
...I love my job. I work at the same company I started at right after college, though I'm in my 3rd position here, but I truly love it, and the people I work with. We're in the midst of some changes, and I'm a little nervous, but excited about the changes. I am not a big fan of changes. I like things exactly the way they were. Is that odd?

I suppose I should do something productive today, huh? I'm sorry for the random ramblings.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Things Kids Say Thursday...and a brief rant

Jen over at Mud Pies for Momma has a great Things Kids Say Thursday weekly event, and I've been keeping track of the things my kids say (since they never stop talking).
Joey (3)
J: Hey Mommy, guess what I forgot to do!
Me: What?
J: Poop!
Me: Well get in there and go!
J: Hey Mommy!
Me: What?!
J: Wanna watch?

Jake (2)
Me: Jacob, what are you doing?
Jake: I eating the table (with his mouth on the table)
Jake: Aww, there are my guys! (when he saw me and my husband)

Now, for the rant. My husband and I both work full time. We go to the office Monday through Thursday, and our kids go to daycare, near my office, 20 minutes from the house. On Fridays, we both work from home. It's a great arrangement, but we need someone to come to our house on Fridays - it's silly to drive the kids 20 minutes, only to drive back home, and then go back 4 hours later and get them (I work half days on Fridays). So we decided to get a nanny to come to the house on Fridays. We picked one, she came 4 times, and then quit abruptly by email, no notice, just left one day, and then sent an email when she got home to say she quit. So we found another one. In hindsight, everything happens for a reason, and the new one, J, was awesome. She had a personality, the kids loved her, we really liked her. I gave her a raise after 2 weeks. She watched the kids from November through the end of the year. Then 2 weeks ago she didn't show up, no call, nothing. I called her, she said her grandpa had had a heart attack and she left for California immediatly but didn't have a number to contact me. I said ok, I understand, call me next week and let me know what is going on. No call. I called her again last Thursday, she said she was still there but hoping to be back this week. Then last night she emailed me and said she was staying out there indefinitely.

I'm compassionate for her situation; I feel bad, and if she is telling me the truth, I totally understand and don't want to be a jerk. What I'm upset about is that this is twice now we've been 'dumped' in less than 6 months! My kids are good kids, well behaved, we pay them good (I think) to watch the kids. I babysat even after I started working full time after college, watching kids on weekends. At 22 years old, I was responsible enough and mature enough to keep in contact with the families and let them know what was going on. I never quit, no matter how obnoxious the kids were (and my kids are not obnoxious). Yet in the course of 5 months, we've had 2 nannies, both in their 20's, quit unexpectedly. I'm just really frustrated, and once again, stuck and pissed.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Things I cannot live without

With three kids under 4, there are some things that are just a necessity in life. Things that make my day easier / faster / happier / saner. I thought I would share with you the things that make my world go ‘round (besides my kids, of course).

First and foremost…

Spray n’ Wash STAIN STICK. (Only the stick; the spray ones have not worked out well for me)
We have tested this product on everything, and it has never let me down. Baby food carrots spit-up six days ago? Check. Markers in the white t-shirt? Check. Pizza sauce all over, dried nice and crusty? Check. What makes me the happiest is that I can apply it after the stain has been sitting for a week (I have 3 kids people, my life never slows down long enough to stain stick my stuff as soon as the mess happens!), and throw it in the wash just minutes later and the stain comes out! Every time! Hooray!

Next up: My Honda Odyssey

I was never one who wanted to own a mini-van; I despised them. But with 3 kids under 4, well, you can’t exactly buckle 3 large carseats into a Jeep. So adios Mr. Jeep, the love of my life, and hello Odyssey! There are so many things to love about my van, but the thing I love the most is that the 2 middle seats slide together, after I removed the middle mini-seat (yes, by myself, 9 months pregnant, because I didn’t want to wait for my hubby to do it). Joey is buckled in the back seat, and it’s so easy to just reach back and buckle him in, with the 2 babies in the middle. Easy and fast, that’s what my life runs around.

The Safety First Tubside Bath Seat

Have you ever tried to bathe 3 kids by yourself, at the same time, when one of them can’t sit up and another one would love to push her over if she could sit up alone? I love this bath seat; we started using it with Jake was a baby, and it never lets me down. Mia can play happily by herself in the tub while I wash up the boys, and she can interact with them, which she loves to do. We have absolutely gotten our money’s worth out of this thing. I don’t have to worry about her being safe and trying to hold her up while I wash the boys, nor do I have to try to figure out when to fit in her bath and a separate one for her brothers. Some day, yes, but not today my friends.

Sleep sacks, sleep sacks, sleep sacks

Until recently I would tell you that a sleep sack is the only thing that keeps Mr. Jake from crawling out of his crib. He’s now mastered removal of the sleep sack and climbing out of the crib. But that’s beside the point. We had a very crappy builder build our house, who apparently filled the walls with, um, air, and thus the babies’ rooms are very cold…think 62 degrees when the rest of the house is 72. Enter said sleep sacks, to keep my babes bundled and snuggly. My 2 year old loves his, and asks for them at night at bedtime – “I need my nuk, night night, and sleep sack (or shweep shack, as he pronounces it)

Carter’s and Oshkosh B’gosh outlets

Did you know that these two stores have no return policy? As in, if I buy this snowsuit today, and keep the tags on it and the receipt, I can return it next winter if it doesn’t fit the Princess! And I get back what I paid for it, if I still have the receipt! Thus, I can buy now, on clearance, for next winter, and if it doesn’t fit, no big deal! Add to that the every-holiday-sales, with massive % off, and it just keeps getting better! Tip: staple the receipt to the tags, and hang it up in one piece, and you are all set!

My iPhone

I broke down and got the iPhone when my daughter was diagnosed in July with Vesicoureteral Reflux (VUR) – I knew that this, in combination with her anemia and several other issues, meant I’d be spending a lot of time at the doctor’s offices. Little did I know what a lifesaver it would be. There are so many educational games for the little guys, they love going to the doctor and waiting for hours because they can play “Shapes and Numbers”, flashcards, watch videos, and so much more! And when I get to use my phone (i.e., when they are fighting over it so I take it away to break up the fights) I can check all 4 of my different email addresses in just a few slides of the finger. Oh how I love it! Not to mention I have both my work and personal calendar on there, and can add doctor appointments to both calendars as I’m scheduling the appointment, thus reducing the number of forgotten appointments.

My baby sling – Amy Coe Peanut Shell (I have the pink one, and it’s on Ebay or Craigslist if you live in Houston)

When Mia was born, we were so excited. Then after the 5 day stay in the NICU, well, we wanted to snuggle her. As week 2 hit, and the colic set in, we wanted to scream and pull our hair out. As we got towards month 2, and she was going through colic AND 4th trimester, I was considering joining the circus. Unfortunately they weren’t hiring, so I broke down and bought a sling. This, in combination with the Happiest Baby on the Block book, is the best money I have ever spent. EVER. I just pop her in, she falls right asleep, and voila, I can get stuff done! Hooray!

The baby walker

Now before you start in on me, yes, I know they aren’t recommended. However, we only put her in the walker when we are right there with her, doing things in the kitchen. She is within eyesight 90% of the time, and within arms length about 89% of the time, there are no stairs nearby for her to fall down, and she is safe. This little girl can work magic in that walker that I’ve never seen with the boys. We put her in there while in the kitchen, to get stuff done. She runs in this thing, easily maneuvering around the table, into anything her brothers are playing with. She chases them, pushes their toys away, gets to the dishwasher and steals the kids’ plates out of it, and then runs away. She can reach the Fridge Farm, and plays with it more than the boys ever did. Her newest trick this week is to walk around the entire first floor of the house – she is strong enough to walk with it on the carpet, and she can get around our living room (and yes I can see her, thanks to our very open floor plan). She visited her brother in the bathroom this morning, to see what he was up to. She can go check on the door when the doorbell rings. And while she loves to follow me around, the fact that I can get things done while she zips around and causes a ruckous really makes my life so much easier!

There are a lot more things that make me so happy, and my life so much easier (the noise machine and the Miracle Blanket, when she was a newborn, for example; Baby Genious videos; Crayola Color Wonder Markers) but for now, I’m just going to enjoy the bliss that the above items bring to my life. Serenity now.
Anything you can't live without? I'd love to hear!

Wordless Wednesday

It's hard being an up-and-coming Diva

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

I've waited my whole life for this...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Wanted: Teething or Not

Tonight I learned, I have 3 hard-core criminals living under this roof. Well, not hard-core per-say, but in Mommyland, they would be considered hard-core.
Exhibit 1:

Every time the dishwasher opens, there is a little girl in a walker who runs, as fast as she can in her walker-running style, to get whatever she can out of that dishwasher. Preferrably dirty dishes, she steals them quicker than you can get to them, and runs away with them.

Exhibit 2:

Notice the two plates stolen (repeatedly) out of the dishwasher. Don't let that sweet and innocent face fool you...

this babe was busted tonight, red handed!

Then there is criminal #2 - he goes by Snot nose Sam on the streets of this town, mostly due to the fact that he is either constantly teething, or sick with some sort of cold he got lord knows where. When left not alone, but unsupervised for less than 2 minutes, he vandalized a very crappy kitchen table, that mother of said criminals was actually very fond of.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you exhibit C:

Yes, those very teeth marks on my table are from Snot Nose Sam, who, when I asked him what he was eating at dinner time, responded "The Table". At least he's an honest criminal.

And last but not least, we have the Snowball thrower, who harrasses and throws snowballs at innocent mommies all over the driveway.

Yes indeed folks, it's a wonder that their antics haven't been reported before (in all honesty, they would have been blogged about sooner but this slacker mommy has been too busy...chasing teething criminals around the house, trying to protect furniture). They're lucky they are cute.

Not Me! Monday

It certainly has NOT been me that has neglected my blog for several weeks for a number of reasons, which I will not complain express frustration about. Ok, maybe I will. This long list of reasons includes, but is certainly not limited to, sick children, the holidays, sick children, preschool class changes, arguments with my husband which lead to some minor depression and complete lack of enthusiasm about anything, sick children, and frustration about the weather (8 inches of snow in one day last week!). But, I’m back, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! (I’m sure you are utterly ecstatic about this!)

It’s also not me that had one child with tubes put on at the end of last year, and another one set for this week, which would give us…drum roll please…4 sets of tubes for 2 children in 3 years. It’s definitely not my house where 2 teething children reside, one of whom has started sleeping through the night (small celebration dance) and the other whom has decided he enjoys climbing both in and out of his crib. I’m not the mother who is so frustrated with Mr. Crib Climber and his behavior of late that I addressed it with my pediatrician today, for fear of waiting any longer and ending up on Super Nanny. (Any thoughts on dealing with a teething 2 year old who throws food across the room on a regular basis, hits, yells, and throws extremely unpleasant tantrums are welcome!). It wasn’t us who were sitting in the living room yesterday watching football, and nearly fell over in shock when my 2 year old came walking into the room and said I climb out of my crib mommy. It wasn’t me, at that point, who nearly burst into tears for fear of what is to come – big boy bed…no naps…up all night…in the game room playing with toys at 3 a.m….help!

On a brighter note, it’s not me that is so excited and proud of my 3 year old who, after just 5 days in his new preschool class, knows that Grover Cleveland was President of the US twice. How many of you knew that? Admit it, come on. I absolutely did not! It’s really sad that, with a 3 year old in preschool who will be in kindergarten in the fail, it’s already obvious to my husband and myself that he is smarter than us.