Wednesday, February 3, 2010

To Whom it May Concern - Stuff it

Please excuse me while I let off some steam...
To whom it may concern: (and you know who you are, because EVERYTHING seems to concern you)

I’d like to clarify a few things for you. You are not my boss. I do not report to you. Therefore, where I am is really not your business. So if I decide to use my lunch hour, which is really a lie, because it’s only 30 minutes, to take my kids to the doctor for a flu shot at 1:30 p.m., is that your business? No. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t hear your sorry ass on the 6:30 a.m. teleconference that lasted 2.5 hours. Nope. So don’t fricking worry about where I was, I don’t care that you were ‘looking all over for me’. I’m allowed to leave the building, and not tell you. Or anyone, if I don’t want to. So there. Besides, if you hadn’t been so flipping nosy last year about my kids and their doctor appointments, and if you hadn’t told me that I must ‘make up medical conditions so that I can take my kids to the doctor’, maybe I would have told you where I was going. Oh wait, that’s right, I forgot – I DON’T REPORT TO YOU.

On to the second order of business. If I want to have a meeting in my office, it’s my prerogative. I don’t care if there are 6 of us crammed in here. If I want to have a meeting so we can use my computer, I will do it. I don’t need your attitude, nor do I need you to throw things on the floor, especially my coat, to ‘make a point’. OH, and I recommend that if you DO plan on doing this, don’t go out and tell everyone that you did it, because there are only 40 people that work here. It WILL get back to me.

The third order of business today has to do with the paperwork I submitted today. Last time I checked, YOU do not need to worry about verifying my identity. YOU do not work for HR. Therefore, YOU do not get to tell me what does and does not work for identification. Did YOU get the theme here? I will submit what I have, and hopefully HR is ok with it. If not, I’ll submit something else. Oh, and don’t ask such stupid questions, like if I have someone at home that could drive other paperwork here to me at the office. Newsflash: My husband and I both work full time. Neither of us stays home with our children. I know that you think I am a bad mom, because I chose not to breastfeed my children, and because I had an epidural during childbirth, and oh, that’s right, because I ‘make up medical conditions to take my children to the doctor’, but you know, we can’t all be perfect moms. I’m not bitter though. You know why? Because I’m young, successful, and get to do lots of really cool things through my life.

So piss off witch.

PS, stop looking in my window every time you walk past.

Things kids say Thursday (Wednesday edition)

My kids have been cracking me up. I truly love the ages they are, and (most of) the things they say.

My oldest has a book about Miss Spider and her new school at Sunny Patch, and it talks about how she doesn’t have the stomach for digging in dung. He asked me what that means, I told him. Fast forward to last night.

He was sitting on the throne, taking care of some business. He yelled to his father, I know what dung means! It means pooping! Guess what, I’m dunging right now! I’m dunging!

I fell over laughing.

My 2 year old took a while to start talking, and especially to start talking clearly. He told me last week, “Nikko poop outside”. Nikko is our dog, so yes, of course that’s where he goes. Jake likes to pretend that he is a dog, or a cat, at different points throughout the day. He told me, I poop outside. I a dog. I corrected him that, no, in fact, he does not, he goes in the house, preferably in the potty since we’re trying to get him to potty train. He keeps informing me that no, he will go outside. Since our dog is very old, and will be going to ‘live with God’ tomorrow, he has been, um, using our carpet as his dumping ground of choice this week, so I am fearful that I will be blogging soon about a 2 year old who is pretending he is a dog and either (a) pooping on my carpet, or (b), outside in my backyard, squatting. Watch for those updates.

In the meantime, the 2 year old has been investigating his own body. Last night in the tub, he was grabbing all things that ‘hang’ and checking them out. He told his daddy that his ‘rocks were falling off’. Uh huh. His father was laughing hysterically about that one.